www.notmangosauce.com

NotMangoSauce.com: Feel My
Righteous American Wrath, Bitch.

It had to happen. You think Stickman is the only guy with spurned male admirers?

This site is dedicated to my personal jihad against “David,” the distant and emotionally inaccessible webmaster of www.mangosauce.com.

Over the last 27 months, this self-important and hurtful man has offered me only curt and insincere responses to my many emails. Most recently, he has declined to reply at all.

We have a big problem in Thailand with farangs who roll in here and think they can start a blog without making themselves accountable to their readers.

I guess I’m in kind of a weird place, emotionally. Sometimes David is nice to me. Other times he makes me feel as though I barely exist. I think my feelings are best expressed by a quote from one of my favorite film comedies:

No, it's not gonna stop. It's gonna go on and on until you face up to your responsibilities... You won't answer my calls. You change your number. I'm not going to be ignored, Dave! ...I won't allow you to treat me like some slut you can just bang a couple times and throw in the garbage. I'm gonna be the mother of your child. I want a little respect...

This is what you've reduced me to. I guess you thought you'd get away with it. Well, you can't. Because part of you is growing inside of me... and that's a fact, Dave, and you'd better start learning how to deal with it. 'Cause, you know, I feel you. I taste you. I think you. I touch you. Can you understand? Can you? And, you know, another thing is that you're a cock-sucking son of a bitch. You thought you could just walk into my life and turn it upside down without a thought for anyone but yourself.

– Glenn Close as Alex Forester in “Fatal Attraction”

Apparently, David thinks he’s better than the rest of us. For one thing, David can’t be bothered to publish readers’ submissions about scoring with virgin bargirls, a topic Mango Sauce has mysteriously avoided.

Hmmm. Why are you so afraid to talk about virgin bargirls, David? That’s easy folks. Follow the money. This huckster’s obviously got some financial interest in hoarding information about where to find virgin bargirls. It’s all very simple when you chart it out.

And I guess David’s just “too busy” to answer a few simple questions about his penis.

In my email of October 27, 2006, I asked you, point-blank and man-to-man, whether you’ve been circumcised. Why the silence, David? And while we’re on the subject, why the sensitivity about telling me which of the penises below most closely resembles your own?

I’ve been a fool. And to think I sent you this candid photograph as a gesture of good faith.

Sir, you had your chance, but now I pledge myself to your destruction. First, I have left a voicemail detailing your many acts of malfeasance and professional irresponsibility for Khun Turd, your supervisor at the prestigious Likapoon Institute of Psychiatry on Silom Road. I suspect you’ve treated a wayward girl for hysteria for the last time. Prepare to hand in your epaulets.

As my next act of retribution, I am revealing your identity below:

So... How does it feel to be naked and exposed, David? Or should I say DANIEL CRAIG? That’s right, folks. David is Daniel Craig, the often-criticized choice to play the next Bond. And now everyone knows your dirty little secret.

Oh, but the Great Kwai is just getting started... By the time I’m done with you they’ll be calling you the blond Timothy Dalton.

Look, I’m a reasonable man. All of this unpleasantness could end tomorrow. Just accept my invitation to share aperitifs and dinner at Nana Hotel, followed by a special group activity I’ve planned at the Eden Club. Would that really be so difficult? I understand they’ve finally installed a bidet.

I won’t be ignored, Daniel. I await your response by COB today.

Tanai Kwai here and I’m just fucking around. But I can offer you a new Mango Sauce tribute site you might enjoy visiting if things ever get slow at Chez David.

Hope to have it running soon.

(winky)

TK